Selected Works of Alexandra Lopez Iglesias

My heart began to grow quiet.

Panic set in. It was palpable.

My mother, exhausted and terrified.

We’re losing them, you have to choose.

No.

The doctor, exasperated with my father.

Waiting. Too much waiting.

Agonizing pain, depleted, tearing, a final scream.

Then life.

We made it. Perhaps not unscathed.

​

Practically willed into existence by my mother’s need for love, she held me excessively, ignoring all criticism that she would spoil her only child. It’s easy to love an infant. Safe. 

No walls or defenses necessary. 

​

I was so loved and so wanted and so protected. 

Until one day, I wasn’t. 

It stopped. Completely and abruptly. No more embraces, 

no more softness, no more touch. No matter how hard 

I tried or what I did, that door was sealed.

​

Frustration. Resentment. Desperation. Asphyxiation. 

Silent screams. 

Misplaced anger. 

So much anger.

I was old enough to lash out. 

Joint custody will do that to a kid. 

​

My mother immediately identified it as rejection.

Her painful past erupting ferociously. 

It blinded and broke her. 

But she knew exactly how to survive this type of torment.

Reject me in turn.

Entirely.

Without hesitation or reprieve.